Thursday, March 26, 2015

Be Good, Dummy

Good: Raisin Bran. 
Bad: Milk Dud Bran.

Good: Handful of raw almonds.
Bad: Handful of steaming hot taco meat.

Good: Long walk after dinner.
Bad: Long chili dog after dinner.

Good: A glass of water every hour while at work.
Bad: A shot of tequila every time you get a new email while at work.

Good: 20 push-ups (the exercise)
Bad: 20 Push-ups (the sherbet treat)

Good: 100-calorie snack pack.
Bad: Ten 100-calorie snack packs.

Good: Session with a personal trainer.
Bad: Trying to get free personal training session by dressing all in black and pretending to be shadow of person getting personal training session.

Good:  A glass of red wine.
Bad: A case of red wine.

Good: Half-marathon.
Bad: Half- half- half- half- half- half- half- half-marathon.

Good: Eating several small meals each day.
Bad: Eating seventy small meals each day.

Good: Weight-loss blogging.
Bad: Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Scale Man

Chimichangas and pie ala mode.

Fried taters, I ate a truckload.

And when you eat it, 

It stays on. 

You got to worry, 

‘Cause weigh-in’s coming. 

I’m a scale man, 
I’m a scale man. 

Sometimes fail, man. 
I’m a scale man, 
I’ve got too much…

Couldn’t take 
How much I weigh, 

So I hit the gym each and every day.
Started trackin’ 
What I et. 

But I ain’t accomplished 
Nothing yet.
I’m a scale man, 
I’m a scale man, play it, Steve.

I’m a scale man, 
I’m a scale man.

Now I eat good, 
Every chance I get, listen now…
Yeah, I work up a sweat.
I got educated about nutritious stuff.
Now I stop eatin’ when I’ve had enough.

I’m a scale man, 
I’m a scale man.
I’m a scale man, 
I’m a scale man.

So, grab a rope and 
I’ll lift you up 

And be your “Provide Support” Friend.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…

I’m talkin’ about a scale man
I’m a scale man, and you’re a scale man
I’m a scale man, 
Oh no, scale man. 

I’m a scale man, 

And you’re a scale man.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Let's Go!

"It will never rain roses; 
when we want to have more roses 
we must plant more trees."
–George Eliot 

Friday, March 20, 2015

Weight-Loss Books for Children

• Where the Wide Things Are
• Goodnight Moonface
• Blueberry Pie for Sal
• Not-So-Little Bear
• Anno’s Weight-Loss Journey
• The Lardax
• Miss Rumpthin
• Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Diet
• The Cat in the Fat
• A Bear With Too Much Paddington
• Skinny-the-Pooh
• Bread and Low-Sugar Jam for Frances
• Curious Gorge
• In The Lite Kitchen
• The Runaway Tummy
• Charlie and the Carob Factory
• Where the Widewalk Ends
• Anne of Green Veggies
• Pippi Wrongsnacking
• If You Give a Mouse a Cookie It Could Lead to Diabetes
• Harry the Diet-y Dog

• Harold and the Purple Cabbage

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Bad Bad

On the South side of Chicago,
Having deep-dish and a 6-pack.
Chowing down down there,
Health in disrepair.
It’s a man named blog-boy Jack.

Now Jackie’s more than chubby,
Even tho he stands at six foot four.
All the downtown ladies call him "Fatty McFatface,"
It just makes him wanna eat more.

And he's fat, fat blog-boy Jack.
The fattest man of the whole damn pack.
Fatter than Kevin from “The Office”
Eatin’ until he makes himself nauseous.

Now Jackie, he was a snacker,
And he outgrew all his clothes.
And he liked to munch his onions rings,
It’s why he can’t see his toes.
He eats way to much for breakfast.
Lunches on too much, too.
He got a fried tater in his pocket for later.
He got a Mars bar in his shoe.

And he's fat, fat blog-boy Jack.
Bought a bag of chips and ate the whole sack.
Fatter than Rosie or Oprah.
Never seems to get off the sofa.

Well, Friday bout five years ago,
Jackie changed his ways.
Took a look in the mirror
He put down those Doritos,
And ooh that boy amazed.
Well, he started eatin’ better,
And an exercise program began.
Blog-boy Jack learned a lesson
'Bout lessening, start the life of a healthy man.

Now he's fit, fit blog-boy Jack.
The fittest man of the whole damned pack.
Leaner than a junkyard dog.
Writer of a dumb health blog.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Healthy St. Patrick's Day Traditions

• Participate in a 10K pub crawl

• Add a potato and a shot of Irish whiskey to your smoothie

• Stand during st Patrick's day parade instead of asking to sit on shoulders of person next to you

• Lite green beer

• During your workout, curse in Gaelic

• Hire a leprechaun as a personal trainer

• Eat a shamrock salad

• Try dublin your reps during workout

• Riverdance until you can no longer feel your legs

• Replace the marshmallows in your Lucky Charms with tofu hearts, moons, stars and clovers

Friday, March 13, 2015

Remember What Confush*t Say...

Confush*t say...

…person who employ low-carb diet is going against the grain.

…a 5 a.m. workout is like a pig’s tail. It’s twirly. 

…person who don’t like root vegetables don't carrot all about good health.

…person who is too obese but wants to play basketball should remember wide men can’t jump.

…person who lives life as couch potato will likely raise tater tots.

…person who eats too much at Japanese restaurant might have sake weigh-in.

…person who put off prostate exam usually get it in the end.

…person who drink beer generally doesn’t lose weight, but it’s on a case-by-case basis.
…person who has an organic garden tills it like it is.

…person who reads Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit every day is very defacated reader.

Confush*t believes there are two kinds of people in this world. The first person is the one who diets and exercises religiously. The second person is the one who eats and does what they want and prays they don't gain weight.

Confush*t's motto:
Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff
or stuff the cheesy puffs.


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